July 13th
David,
Preacher and his daughter were arguing tonight. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but from their tones, it sounded pretty heated. Her room is just on the other side of the wall. It sounds like she is crying. It isn’t the first time.
It must really be tough to be a teenager. I don’t remember what that is like, always having to do what someone else says. I’m not sure I would make it.
Me.
July 11th
David,
Remember how I said that nothing happened when I saw the hypnotist? I think that judgment might have been a little premature.
Last night I had a dream. I was lying on Helen’s table. I was watching the scene from a distance, like an outside observer. I was under and she was having a conversation with Dr. Rush. It was a little scary. She said, “I think it’s happening again.”
Dr. Rush said, “Give her a little more time. I think she could be the one.”
“Things are getting out of control. We need to end this,” was her response.
He said, “Don’t we have enough blood on our hands?”
She slammed her hand down on the table next me and I didn’t even flinch. She looked a little out of control. She leaned close to him like she was going to kiss him but it was an entirely hostile act and sounding thoroughly disgusted, said, “They were innocents.”
“So was she,” he said nodding toward my body, which looked small and vulnerable in light of their conversation.
Do you think it is possible it might not have been just a dream? I’m supposed to go back there on the 18th. I don’t want to, but I’m afraid of what might happen if I don’t.
Me.
July 10th
David,
Saw the hypnotist today. Nothing happened. Dr. Rush and Helen, the hypnotist said they would like to try again. I guess it can’t hurt.
I was thinking about what I said about Preacher. He acts like he doesn’t believe anymore but I think that he does. He’s the one that started calling me Eve. I’m not sure what about Eve reminded him of me. Maybe it is that she was fresh and new, a blank canvas like me, or maybe it was because she was the original sinner.
Me.
July 9th
David,
If I told you I stand in front of the mirror and stare at the lines on my face while I brush my teeth at night but feel like I’m looking into the face of a stranger would you believe me? Would you be sad that I don’t know your favorite color or if you walk with a limp?
Do you think that a person can do something truly with the good of another as their only reasoning?
Preacher Byron, he took me in because I had nowhere else to go. Even though he knows what I am capable of. When I first got here they say everything was going well. I seemed happy, even laughing with one of the nurses. Vanya. Then out of nowhere I flipped out.
It took 3 nurses, 2 security guards and a doctor to hold me down while another doctor sedated me. Vanya’s nose is crooked now, and Mort, the security guard, I broke his arm. I don’t remember any of it, but that is what they say.
Why would someone who is happy. Who has a wife, and a teenage daughter. Plenty to lose, invite me, a person capable of violence on that scale, into his home?
He’s not really a preacher anymore, but don’t ask him about it. I asked him one day what he thought about God. If he thought maybe God was giving me a second chance. A clean slate. You know what he said? “Why don’t we leave questions about God to someone who knows what they are talking about.”
Why would he say that? I don’t know much about being a preacher but I would think if anyone knew what they were talking about, it would be someone who used to be a preacher.
Dr. Rush is sending me to see a hypnotist tomorrow. Wish me luck.
Me.
