July 9^th

David,

If I told you I stand in front of the mirror and stare at the lines on my face while I brush my teeth at night but feel like I’m looking into the face of a stranger would you believe me? Would you be sad that I don’t know your favorite color or if you walk with a limp?

Do you think that a person can do something truly with the good of another as their only reasoning?

Preacher Byron, he took me in because I had nowhere else to go. Even though he knows what I am capable of. When I first got here they say everything was going well. I seemed happy, even laughing with one of the nurses. Vanya. Then out of nowhere I flipped out.

It took 3 nurses, 2 security guards and a doctor to hold me down while another doctor sedated me. Vanya’s nose is crooked now, and Mort, the security guard, I broke his arm. I don’t remember any of it, but that is what they say.

Why would someone who is happy. Who has a wife, and a teenage daughter. Plenty to lose, invite me, a person capable of violence on that scale, into his home?

He’s not really a preacher anymore, but don’t ask him about it. I asked him one day what he thought about God. If he thought maybe God was giving me a second chance. A clean slate. You know what he said? “Why don’t we leave questions about God to someone who knows what they are talking about.”

Why would he say that? I don’t know much about being a preacher but I would think if anyone knew what they were talking about, it would be someone who used to be a preacher.

Dr. Rush is sending me to see a hypnotist tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Me.