July 20^th

David,

I’m still here. I bet you were beginning to wonder. I wish I wasn’t though. I know where all the screaming is coming from in my dreams.

Something from my past came to the surface after my session with Helen this time. I remembered your lips and what it felt like when they were searching mine for the meaning of life. It was a blissful memory but it will never tame the ache from seeing them that day, that purple color, pink skin turns when it’s trying to be blue.

I’m sorry I was so weak. I just wanted you to know that. I think I came to them to make me strong. I’d like to believe it was so I could bring you justice but I know it was really so I could get revenge.

I decided, while I listened to Emily scream when she found me holding you like you were still alive. No one should ever have to see their brother like that, life pooled out around you like a tipped over bottle of nail polish.

I know I’ve been sitting here on my thumbs, pretending I don’t really exist cause there’s no one to care about if I live or don’t. Not anymore. I’m going to find out who I am so I can find out who you are. This time I am going to find the ones that did this to you and make them pay for what they did to you and me and Emily.

Me.