July 20^th

David,

I’m still here. I bet you were beginning to wonder. I wish I wasn’t though. I know where all the screaming is coming from in my dreams.

Something from my past came to the surface after my session with Helen this time. I remembered your lips and what it felt like when they were searching mine for the meaning of life. It was a blissful memory but it will never tame the ache from seeing them that day, that purple color, pink skin turns when it’s trying to be blue.

I’m sorry I was so weak. I just wanted you to know that. I think I came to them to make me strong. I’d like to believe it was so I could bring you justice but I know it was really so I could get revenge.

I decided, while I listened to Emily scream when she found me holding you like you were still alive. No one should ever have to see their brother like that, life pooled out around you like a tipped over bottle of nail polish.

I know I’ve been sitting here on my thumbs, pretending I don’t really exist cause there’s no one to care about if I live or don’t. Not anymore. I’m going to find out who I am so I can find out who you are. This time I am going to find the ones that did this to you and make them pay for what they did to you and me and Emily.

Me.

July 19^th

July 18^th

July 17^th

David,

I think there is something wrong with me. Yesterday we were driving home from the store and we passed by an accident. A girl had run into the road. She was struck and dragged a ways before the SUV finally stopped.

Preacher stopped to help because the ambulance hadn’t made it there yet.

I could see her lying on the road. Dead. It’s nothing like you see on TV. I can’t explain it, but I couldn’t look away. I should have felt sad or something but I didn’t. I felt hollow, just like her.

Seeing her body like that, one minute she was alive and a person, the next a lump of empty flesh on the road, it made me think about how fragile we are. If it were me lying on that road, no one would care.

Tomorrow I see Helen, the hypnotist. What if she doesn’t like what she sees and I end up like that girl on the road? Would you care?

Me.